... between doing something we love doing, and doing something for something we love?
i really hate thinking about jobs because ideally i'd like to be in love with my job and still get paid well for it, but so far it's been a little tricky to find a positions that fits both categories. i'm aware that maybe the problem lies with me not knowing what i am interested in doing. if you haven't tried something, how do you know whether you will like/dislike it?
there is so much buzz over big companies and corporate careers; understandably so, but i wish some of us would stop equating corporate careers with happiness and career success. (sidenote: i HATE the word stability. it's the kind of word which shuts up the critic - who's going to argue against lack of conflict? - and it actually stops you thinking about what you really want. which, doesn't necessarily equate to instability, by the way.) it's not that i'm not open to these options (getting in is an entirely separate question); i just wish that we would stop deeming anything outside of this particular sphere as less intellectually stimulating or rewarding.
i used to think those who gave up their true interests for a banking/consulting career were "selling out", but now i realise that one has many priorities in life, and you're not selling out if you value the higher salary over doing interesting things in your day-to-day responsibilities. and then there are those who genuinely like their work because of its particular challenges. and then there's the prestige. nothing wrong with prestige.
i'm just not sure if i can be one of those who help make the rich, even richer. on a similar vein, i'm leaving academics because i don't know if i can help those who are already specialised in obscure studies become more specialised in even obscurer research! i feel bad enough that this year i have been isolated within my academics, without having contributed to the community around me. i realise that the more one gets into something, the more focused and narrowed our vision becomes. it's inevitable; and when we walk through the streets and see ordinary people struggle in their material lives, we think, well, that's them, or, i'll try to help out eventually, but for now, me, me me.
the UWC student within me is still there, and it yells with frustration when it reads about all the injustices of the world, about the Palestine/Israel conflict, about the poor and disabled in Singapore, about women anywhere, everywhere. but yelling inside isn't enough and i don't act on these feelings (apart from engaging in online arguments with the bigots out there). i'm reminded of a corny line from Batman Begins when Rachel (Katie Holmes) tells Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) that it's not who we are inside that matters, but what we do. she's totally right. these days people have become very good at talk, but no one is brave, selfless, or passionate enough to get out there and walk.
i wish that those working for the betterment of human lives were rewarded more monetarily, for they deserve it.
this post doesn't really have a point... it's just a string of contemplations that have surfaced in my mind over the past months. i'm not trying to come to any conclusions, make any decisions. i think i need a lot more time to see for myself what is out there and figure out where i'd want to be in the next year or so. i just wanted to write this now so that i have a record of my current feelings and thoughts. maybe i should even do what marshall does in How I Met Your Mother and write a letter to my future self.
end of post. back to dissertation.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
do we always have to choose...
Thursday, April 14, 2011
“因為幸福沒有捷徑 只有經營 ”
最近威伸介紹了這首歌給我聽：
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oT6Y4d7cA2A&feature=related
歌詞很有意思，希望認識中文的朋友都會欣賞。
the song linked above is sung by Christine Fan. difficult to translate the lyrics in the blog title...literally, it's "because happiness has no shortcuts, only a business/enterprise". in other words, "there are no shortcuts to happiness, as it is a business/an enterprise to manage everyday".
anyway i usually don't warm to mandarin songs, but this belongs to the rare few which are not emo :P. its lyrics are interesting, even funny:
我願意 每天在你身邊甦醒
就連吵架也很過癮 不會冷冰
(I am willing, to wake and sleep beside you every day,
to the point that even fights become exhilarating (fun), not frosty/cold)
i think this resonates with me especially because people generally are tempted to resort to 'the cold shoulder' in arguments. and i have always hated being the recipient of this tactic, often deployed by friends out of selfish moodiness. so yes, friends. next time you are angry with me, please tell it to my face, haha! i have probably done the same with you and inadvertently hurt you (sorries...) but we're all adults now. there's no need to play games anymore.
anyway so i'm on vacation here in singapore! the city hasn't changed that much, save for the crazy malls and further development of the waterfront. high school and university friends are also pretty much the same, and this time around, most seem happier :), somehow more settled. a lot have proper jobs now, which is impressive. haha i feel like such a kid, still living on parental allowance, still tackling work, still living in a dorm... can't wait to get my first (salaried) pay-check!
singapore life is a comfortable life. although working hours can be long, and many work more than 5 days a week, life here is cushioned by city conveniences like a great transport and healthcare system, and a plethora of shops. the streets are safe and clean; the weather, generally predictable! if you have friends and family here, you are lucky; they are located at most an hour of commuting away. no natural disasters, no political insurgencies, low levels of crime. i know that i am generalising the life of the upper middle class, but even when it comes to the low and middle class, the government does provide a safety net. (unlike in the US where the poor, the uneducated, and the ethnic minorities are pretty much left to their own devices.) it's a small enough country where stability will always reign... ...
i wonder when or if i will settle more permanently here. a lot of my peers are returning to singapore to work, and i can imagine that they are happy here. i wonder if that would be the case for me. could i do without the city life? studying abroad in college is one thing, living abroad in a city without family and a close network of friends is another. i don't know. but what i know is this - ever since i went to Brown in 2006, i have found singapore a little stifling. hong kong is kind of the same; well, there is a greater variety of landscape over there, and i think its food is much better than Singapore's :P, but it's still the same old city bubble. and i'm not sure if i want to live in a bubble, although i am scared to venture beyond it. Brown was a bit of a bubble although i actively got off college hill in extracurricular things; Cambridge was certainly a bubble, Oxford, similarly so although a bigger one. i dunno. but i guess i will see what it's like to get out of the college bubble come summer, when Life Uncertainty hits and i have to find my own way...
Sunday, February 27, 2011
a dream job
i've never thought of myself as a business person, but lately i keep dreaming of owning my own tea shop or cafe. it would be lovely and sunlit, and serve homemade cakes, salads and afternoon tea sets. the menu might change daily depending on what was baked that morning/last night. the drinks would be fruity sodas, tea and coffee. people would get complimentary glasses of water without having to ask. the interiors would be delicately designed, and there would be a poetry wall for people to scribble poetry and to contribute to lines of a running poem in the making.
maybe the theme of the place would be books, but i don't know how marketable that is and how as at theme that translates into the food. maybe all the foods and drinks could be named after books and authors? you know, having some red-orangey drink called 'The Sun Also Rises', lemon cake as 'Oranges Aren't the Only Fruit' hahaha, a tea set called 'Sense and Sensibility', or a couples one called 'Romeo and Juliet', or the caesar salad being 'Julius Caesar' (lamee). but then not all of the names would be so eyeball-rolling worthy. some could just be named after famous writers - maybe biographically related to what those authors actually enjoyed. oh and i would sell books too, both new ones and second-hand books.
my maternal grandparents ran an eatery/cafe in HK in the 50s-70s, serving HK style breakfasts and teas (a lot of toast, noodles, bo-lo bao) and drinks and ice creams. they were able to earn a living from it because of the strategic location - it was by the harbour near a petrol station or some kind of construction site, so all the workers would go there for breaks, and my mom and my aunts/uncles used to run deliveries, and serve in the cafe. they lived right next to the shop, so it was convenient. but although this all sounds very nice, i understand that the food and beverage industry is ruthless, and their turnover high. but it seems like an interesting kind of life... especially if you keep it small enough so that you can interact with customers and try to develop good relations with them. the problem is then that you can't utilise large economies of scale to keep costs low. i guess the thing would be to make sure that i own that property so that overhead costs are minimalised. but that would first mean earning enough to have one's own house and own's own shopfront!
you know, just something to dream about, to remind me that one can really do anything...
Thursday, December 16, 2010
done with michaelmas term!
submitted my exam essay. 2 months of work: complete! it feels great relegating all the books to the floor. my desk is now (temporarily) cleared :). Christmas dinner last night was nice, and i'm looking forward to enjoying a quiet holiday here. i feel bad for my parents that i am not going back home this vacation for the whole 'empty nest' must be strange, even lonely at times. but to me, it feels right that i stay. of course having WS here means that i am happy to be here. but it's also about not having to travel and spend on flights, and about being near the library so that i can read and research over the holidays. Hilary term (January-March) is going to be worse.
Chopin's Nocturne Opus 9, No. 2
Chopin's raindrops
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
the last stretch
didn't sleep well last night, dreaming wildly and waking up every few hours. i awoke in the morning thinking, 'who what when how WHERE the hell am i?!' kind of like my jet-lagged feeling whenever i go back to singapore home/hk home/Brown dorm. i also have very little recollection as to what happened last night. that sounds scandalous. i assure you it had nothing to do with alcohol or craziness. i was just writing my essay on conrad. and now i must confront the reality that this has to be finished today! for submission tomorrow.
