thursday

i am thinking about today and smiling to myself at how much fun it is to pursue the simple pleasures of a student. after breakfast i hopped onto bus/mrt out to jurong east to meet WS at the library. i love taking the east west line... it makes me feel like i'm going back to my old home. (those were the days of hour-long commutes out to town! but i miss living out in the west. breathing is easier when you're away from the city.) at the library, i read Lawrence, then laughed and debated over lunch. more librarying afterward but half the time i was sneaking glances at him poring over organic chemistry. 3:30 meant tea time, so it was off to the opposite food centre to sip sugarcane juice, then to IMM for the air-con and to just wander around, gossiping about friends (hee...). i came back home for dinner and am spending the evening listening to all my favourite songs and missing him for he is leaving tomorrow.

it was such a comfortable day :)

the heart of the matter

(a book LJ mentioned recently, also a song by Don Henley and covered by india arie)
i have always thought that disillusionment was just some fancy cliche, and was never truly empathetic when people claimed that they were 'disillusioned' about something or the other. in my mind, the word itself exacerbated and sometimes even created that tension between two modes of thinking/feeling/being (usually described as naivete and maturity).

we will all grow up some day, and most of the time that doesn't happen suddenly and discretely like flying bars on some graph. okay what i mean is that the process of growing up is fluid and less stable than people often make it out to be. just because we 'get' one thing doesn't mean we automatically understand all things related to that one fact of life: some people make for fantastic friends but are poor daughters or sons. some are great at being in a relationship, but can't extend the same warmth to friends.

what scares me most is the fragility of love, the strongest, most steadfast of emotions. i understand that passion is tamed over time - that i accept as being inevitable. but love? my lack of experience makes me unable to imagine no longer loving someone given that there is no betrayal or hatred. i don't understand how one just wakes up one morning and thinks, well, the past few years have been great but i think i've had enough of this love. sure, physiologically we are bound to get bored and not just feel much after years of habituation (to the other's touch, smell, etc) but i still don't get how we are able to just walk away from relationships. but i guess a life without passion is an incomplete life...

the only times i have stopped loving someone is when they betrayed me. i hope i am lucky enough to never have to fall out love.

let me catch my breath

give me freedom to do as i please, and i'm as happy as a clam. (by the way, why are clams happy? is it because they are not oysters?) JC and SR visited; it was great seeing them again, plus i end up re-falling in love with Brown when i show visitors around our pretty, friendly campus. also went up to Harvard for a day. what lingers in my memories are the Harvard libraries... spacious, quiet halls of sincere learning (cf the Sci Li) and their architecture creative.

we always end up discovering little gems and comfy corners only when we are about to leave them. i wish i had gone up more to Hope street for meals, to India Point Park when i wanted to hear the lapping of water and to soak up the sun. but all these places perhaps are made special by their belated discovery. there's something about that element of luck, combined with the ensuing wistfulness, that makes these places even more charming - what might have been, but perhaps what might have been would have been less special.

i don't think much of graduation but that's because sentimental saps like me should generally not think too much. leaving Brown is not too difficult when one has left before, and believe me, i wouldn't be able to muster all those tears again. i feel sad for friends who will have to endure heartaches... ... part of me wishes that when the time comes, i could be there to tell you that you will grow to love another place - perhaps not equally, but differently, and in change there is hope i think.

life is looking rosy and bright at the moment, and part of me is just waiting nervously for... whatever it is to happen, but i know we all deserve to be happy. i fulfilled my oxford conditions and have a college offer from St. Catherine's or St. Catz, or simply, Catz. :) it's quite exciting though i was hoping for an older college, but after thinking about it, i realize that a modern college has so many benefits in terms of architecture and facilities, and no one at age 22 should really be living in medieval castles anyway :). it's funny but i've always felt an affinity for the name St. Catherine's... so this pairing feels right.

mother's day

my mom
loving, selfless, sunny-hearted, sensible

- forever optimist
- epitome of sensibility and simplicity
- bread and coffee lover <3
- well, lover of sweet foods except chocolate and candy haha
- quiet strength
- a woman with a modern mind
- a longtime conservationist (she started bringing her own bags to supermarkets long before it was the thing to do)
- professionally, a former successful stock broker
- personally, my chauffeur in the japan days and UWC mornings, my algebra and chinese tutor, classmate in summer french classes, japan trip buddy, one of my best friends, a source of inspiration and strength for me every single day



a more recent photo!

sunday culinary fun

i was determined as heck to get linguine carbonara right, and finally, today, i think i got it right! the key i realize is a) BUTTER and GARLIC which minimalist recipes leave out, b) making sure the raw egg, heavy cream and cheese is warmed well in the pot and c) cheese i like instead of just following some recipe's instructions, so pre-grated parmesan worked out fine. i added green peas into the pasta; it made for a colourful, pretty dish and the green looked so nice next to the pink of the bacon :D.

i also made a cold wakame and cucumber salad, and a japanese potato salad. the wakame and cucumber salad was very cooling and pleasant to eat alongside the carbonara, but the rice vinegar was slightly overpowering. nonetheless, i really like both these salads... one light and the other substantial - but both easy to make!

(clearly going through a better appetite phase. would you believe me if i told you that the chubbiness of my face varies week to week?)

i am never productive on weekends...