rephrase

it's funny how tweaking words here and there makes everything less scary. i feel a lot better about it all. :) i guess i just need to just blurt all the yucky, somewhat latent feelings from time to time to confirm my decisions. (and have others reassure me) weak. as st's male alter-ego would bellow.

totally screwed for take-home english final because of incredibly long 7 hour conversation with kp. but...instead of complaining i will persevere, and join the "done"-minions soon enough...

:(

i am dreading saturday and wondering how the hell i'm going to leave this place. all the vague, far flung ideals about academics and challenges and new challenges are just rhetoric... ...easy to say but hard to believe in. rt has always cautioned pursuit of ideals that are of the past; i really hope i haven't done that in this instance because the losses are just looming higher and higher with each day of happiness and love.

it's so unhealthy to anticipate bad stuff, but i can't help it. i don't want to go home just yet...i want one more year of brown so badly but i've made my decision and just keep hoping that i'll be somehow surprised, and rewarded for this leap in faith, but it just...sucks. there's no other word to describe it. why why why. watashi no sei dake.