it's that time of year again

i'm sitting at my desk eating pita bread with nutella (my evening snack), trying to write how i feel about Thanksgiving and not being at Brown. it's oddly comforting to hear about everyone's Thanksgiving plans: i feel that i too, am there with you as you board that plane, sink into that train seat, or settle down at home in front of your laptop. part of me wishes that i could participate in that retreat. i imagine feeling exhausted - it is that exhaustion, after all, which permits you a few days of brief holiday bliss before that whirlwind finals period that sees everyone seeking solace in sci-li-ing and freaking out over rushed Ratty dinners or hot sandwiches at Jos.

it's so easy to sentimentalise Brown. i could write an ode to Ratty breakfasts. and to the slopes and perpetual leafyness of Charlesfield street, those delightful cinnamon rolls with cream cheese icing sold at the Blue Room. (go get one next week if you haven't tried them!!)

despite all this, i'm finally feeling settled and happy. it's so refreshing...i'm just so happy to be myself again - myself, but also a little changed, i would hope. a tiny bit wiser.

like a cheshire cat

so pleased with myself. she says that if i continue writing to these standards in the exams, i'll most definitely get a first class! no wayyy! before today i didn't even dare to imagine trying for a first, but i'm going to try now that i know it's in reach...

it's thursday 6 pm, which means weekend! curry night at Ish's place, and then i'll come back to pack for my weekend away in London visiting Jn!! (wow she'll be the first Brown person i've seen in awhile.) luckily, next week's workload is light given that we're doing Persuasion or otherwise i would've been very screwed in terms of work. sundays-wednesdays typically are my essay-crisis days.

hope this weekend is a good one!

what is a year, in a lifetime?

i choose to not run away
i choose to be brave
i choose to be happy with life as it is
i choose to take responsibility for my decisions
i choose to graduate with my friends
i choose to do this for my loved ones
i choose principles, over emotions
i choose a year of challenges, over a lifetime of regret
i choose to feel blessed with all that i have

//
my mom and LJ have collectively, miraculously, helped me to see things differently, so thank you...:)

//

Tristram Shandy essay due in 18 hours. "Writing, when properly managed...is but a different name for conversation." Discuss.
interesting topic, right?

week five

i keep writing resolutions but fail to adhere to them strictly. but anyway. today REALLY is the day when i will...
- sleep before 1 AM
- eat proper meals
- not waste time online
- read 150 pages of Tristram Shandy
- stop moping. and be happy. i've come this far already...and look, i'm still here.

yay for broken fevers and guacamole

yikes, i haven't done any reading since i handed in my last essay on thursday. it was the first time i missed a deadline - by 17 hours, too. surprisingly, my supervisor was very kind, reassuring me to not panic about these weekly essays because they're ultimately just exam practice. (not sure if the fact that 100% of my grade/credits is determined by three exams is very reassuring though... ...this system is even worse than the IB and GCSEs!)

anyway, things that i've done in weeks three and four:
1. joined an informal choir group
2. played ping pong, but was convinced that no one could ever replace Dn or PP as entertaining ping pong buddies :(
3. read
4. discovered a nice Chinese buffet place...okay i know "nice" and "Chinese buffet" are paradoxical but the food was decent! and it's a buffet!
5. saw a man shoplifting wine at Sainsbury's. um, why does this always happen to me?! i've witnessed so many shoplifting incidents, it's not even funny. once at Marks & Spencer in HK (although i didn't realize it at the time), once in Pacific Place when police were running after a crook and accidentally cornered the wrong guy, once in TaiKoo Shing i saw the thief and shopkeeper run out of Watsons, and in Singapore, i saw a woman steal a packet of bread at Bukit Panjang. yeah it sounds kinda ridiculous...
6. hosted formal hall at Pembroke! the main course was disappointing, but they had french onion soup and creme brulee to make up for it.
7. had a really bad fever on Saturday and was thus not able to host Kate properly this weekend...sigh.
8. finished decorating my study room with colourful scarves and photos.
9. realized how sheltered us American college students are. well at Brown, we take so many things for granted. at least i did. i have never missed the Ratty more. and the freedom to study multiple subjects.
10. got over some personal issues. i just keep reminding myself that Everything Comes to Pass, even things you didn't think possible to get over.

this week is going to be another week of rushed Pope and Swift readings, Guy Fawkes fun, and learning. plus Tn's 20th birthday is coming up! i really hope the package arrives safely. (i stupidly filled out the customs form honestly when i should've listed something that didn't sound like such a steal.)

missing all of you so much.