a day of unproductivity

why is it so hard getting back into academics after holidays? i've descended to a new low with reading up celebrity gossip online +_+ - i don't even know why i'm bothering to announce something like that here. well, this just goes to show that self discipline is truly a muscle. and to extend that metaphor, yes, mine has atrophied to a clump of measly nerves.

all i want to do is sleep...and start again tomorrow. but i already did that this morning, and it didn't work. what now. i suspect that this sleepiness is psychosomatic, and probably intensified by jetlag. ugh. okay. will write introduction before i sleep.

(dis)association

yesterday i looked out the window and saw a boy wearing only a brown sweatshirt in the freezing weather, lugging all his duffel bags into the porter's lodge. i thought nothing of it at first, and it was only after he disappeared through the Plodge's tiny doors that i realized it was a Brown sweatshirt.

i've now lost that special status as being the only Brown student at Cambridge; there are at least six others here for the spring semester. it was the most bizarre experience, meeting them last night. many of them actually recognized me from class/Keeney/the career development center, and me, them. just imagine. about fifteen Americans suddenly descending upon Cambridge...and there i was, gushing about Ratty food and the merits of pass/fail. hearing them complain about the separate hot and cold faucets, and the readings expected of them before term officially starts was like hearing echoes of myself from last October awash over me. it was quite a disorientating experience.

but they're under a separate program specially for international exchange students. although a lot of them are studying English, they have different supervisors and aren't integrated with the Pembroke englishers. i confess to feeling a bit left out of it all, but i'm happy with being treated as a real Cambridge student who gets to live and take classes with the 2nd years. (but these spring semester guys have their own special tours and dinners organized by the international programmes office!) part of me wonders what it would've been like to be part of them...a whole pack of ivy-leaguers exploring town and collectively coming to grips with Cambridge's idiosyncracies.

it would have been nice to be held by the hand and told where to go and what to do - to be seen as a "study abroad" student (read - slightly clueless, very jetlagged). but i have the nicest Pembroke advisors and friends so i can't complain!

anyway i write this to affirm my difference :). i don't think i'll be seeing much of them since they're all in this exchange student bubble. i just had to write about this encounter of the familiar, in a place that was once so unfamiliar but is slowly becoming comfy. i know i dreaded coming back and was so stressed about the academics, but now that i'm back, things don't seem so bad at all.

hello, Lent Term

we're all forever arriving and departing, but that's a luxury we forget to acknowledge everytime we reluctantly board that long-haul flight. i've been back in Cambridge for almost a day. i expected to feel quite low upon coming back to English weather and an empty room, but so far, i feel quite content. decorations and photos up, lots of snacks, organized my clothes (brr it's quite cold in Cambridge though temperature-wise, nothing like Providence!), and i bought a radio/ipod dock station thingy. i love it :). i realized the last week of Michaelmas term that one of the reasons i felt so lonely in my room was because there was never any sound (after living with a roommate, then suitemates, i've gotten used to constant companionship), which is why i resorted to writing my last essay while listening to Edward Said's lectures on youtube. now...behold glorious sound! the radio sounds really warms the room.

anyway, winter break was wonderful. every day was spent with the family (yes, every single day even though i met up with dear friends during the daytime) - i don't think i've appreciated them more! i tried to organize fun family things so we had a Wii golf/tennis tournament, played tennis for reals the day we got back to singapore, had movie nights, and i went to see Ponyo with my brother and mom. hmm and hong kong was FANTASTIC because of the food (yong kee's siu mei!!), visiting relatives from Toronto, and the glorious 18-20 degree, sunny 'winter' weather. on Christmas day i took bus 6 to Stanley, and it felt like returning home. going down Repulse Bay Road was the usual rockety double-decker ride - lots of perilous curves alongside the cliff next to South China Sea - all of which i've memorized after spending a good 8 years going up and down that road to school. i say all this to assert that feeling that resides partly in the heart, but partly construed by the mind, telling me that hong kong is still home. phew :). come august though, we will have resided in singapore for 8 years, matching our time in hong kong. quite scary, especially since my dad intially told us that singapore was only a 3 year stint.

well, back to Cambridge. i've gotten very good at repressing all thoughts of academics, but now it's time to confront Literary Criticism and my Portfolio straight in the eye, no flinching allowed. hope you all are well! and those who are studying abroad, safe travels and happy settling-in!