being a bad student

so many screw-ups in time management. poorly written essay. choosing to not pass up physics problem set due tomorrow. missed issues meeting. not preparing thoroughly for class. all these tell-tale signs of my increasing complacency and irresponsibility.

it really has to end!! what really did it for me was the english paper, which i turned in 5 minutes before the deadline. it's not even about the grade i think...just seems inherently wrong to choose to not do well when one can.

i feel ashamed for being so unlike myself. i would take nerdy, need-to-go-work-and-perfect-everything sheila over complacently-free sheila anyday. let this entry be a reminder to myself everytime i decide to waste time and come online...

sheafs

went to the rock this afternoon for the first time in what feels like forever to work on an english paper. along the way, i noticed the onset of autumn colours - plum reds and leafy yellows, reminiscent of my first semester here at brown. upper keeney quad was especially pretty, with its stone-cobbled walks cast aglow with leaf. why is it that these quiet scenes are always observed in tumultuous times of paper-writing -

i'm stuck on a paper. it's frustrating when you do comparative essays and the topic fits perfectly with one novel, but is a bit of a stretch for the other. i'm really pushing it with Jane Eyre and gossip/reputation/rumour...so i've decided to go with Persuasion and Bleak House. such different novels, but that's not the problem...the problem is they together make up more than 1,100 pages. but i should not be complaining; this class was my choice and the stuff we read is amazing so enough said.

being indecisive

stinks. trying to decide whether to study abroad for a year or just spring semester isn't something you can just sleep on, hoping your subconscious will somehow (ir)rationally make your decision for you.

i have just spent an hour going weighing pros and cons. it's coming to the point where i'm peeved with myself for being so nitpicky.

essentially, if i don't apply for full-year oxbridge, i will probably not get accepted by pembroke college in cambridge for spring semester (unless they happen to have a place AND i happen to be the best english candidate at brown which is unlikely). in that case i will go to university of york. york is nice, but i confess that even its quaint shops and friendly, well-structured visting student program can't compete with oxbridge. plus it's so far away from london and cambridge! knowing ritz she wouldn't tear herself away from economics essays for a 5 hour train ride up to visit me.

teeeeeth

got wisdom teeth on left side extracted. the drugs are starting to wear off; pain settling in :(. it's like braces, though the pain is a lot more acute and accompanied by bleeding icks.

typing with right hand cuz right needed to support ice pack. the nurse said i probably will want to take tomorrow off... ...i am starting to see why she would say that.