'life changes in an instant'

so says Joan Didion in "The Year of Magical Thinking".

i think of this quote to remind myself that life is always transient - that relationships and situations are dynamic, volatile, unpredictable. i'm only just beginning to realize this after a certain close friend has recently betrayed me. after analysing this for days, i've come to realize that the only way i can survive is to just forget about it. no person this deliberately cruel deserves my energy and emotions. i don't deserve to feel so unhappy and confused, wondering all the time what exactly happened to have made him think that i'm not worth being friends with.

i refuse to sink into depression. it is scary knowing that others have done so in the past, but i REFUSE to let one selfish, irrational, cruel person do this to me.

i'm sorry that i can't possibly contact everyone and explain exactly the situation. in time i'll be able to look back on this and not feel so miserable. but i ask that my friends just trust me, and be there for me - whether it is through emails or phone calls. i know there are worse things than losing a best friend.

i hope that everyone else is doing well though :). or if not well, then at least better than i am! i'll try to get in touch soon...in the meantime, i'm just going to try to move on from this incident and enjoy Cambridge. (which has actually become a fourth home).