up at 4 am

as much as i like the sound of rain against glass, i really would like it to stop about now because i can't fall back asleep. i need sleep seeing that yesterday i had a bit of a fever and aching muscles (the flu?), and i can't afford to fall sick, not now! actually come to think of it, there is no time to be ill this year.

i've also been kept up by thoughts about everything. you know how one thing leads to another and before you know it, your mind has decided to review every thought and memory and worry it has produced in the past x days. summer is always the time of thinking, and to be honest, i am getting quite tired of my own thoughts and of having to present them in ways that make for easy listening for others. because you'd probably need a comfortable armchair, several mugs of coffee and many hours in a day to listen to all that my very confused mind is thinking.

it is probably time to start reading again, for reading takes us out of self-centredness and into shared thought. as usual i am too lazy to ever read seriously over the summer holidays - actually i am just too lazy about everything in general :P. hopefully i'll make up for this back in college... just thinking about the things-to-do in the fall semester scares me a bit.

okay well i guess i should try to go to sleep again. suddenly i recall the corinne bailey rae song - it makes me miss sophomore year when life was so much simpler. i remember singing trouble sleeping a lot in the suite even though i never had trouble sleeping (i'd hit the pillow sleeping most nights from fatigue) nor was i in love (though i desperately wanted to be). and now perhaps both are true but i don't think they are related; no, i have been having trouble sleeping because of the uncomfortable bed mattress and new room...