thursday

i am thinking about today and smiling to myself at how much fun it is to pursue the simple pleasures of a student. after breakfast i hopped onto bus/mrt out to jurong east to meet WS at the library. i love taking the east west line... it makes me feel like i'm going back to my old home. (those were the days of hour-long commutes out to town! but i miss living out in the west. breathing is easier when you're away from the city.) at the library, i read Lawrence, then laughed and debated over lunch. more librarying afterward but half the time i was sneaking glances at him poring over organic chemistry. 3:30 meant tea time, so it was off to the opposite food centre to sip sugarcane juice, then to IMM for the air-con and to just wander around, gossiping about friends (hee...). i came back home for dinner and am spending the evening listening to all my favourite songs and missing him for he is leaving tomorrow.

it was such a comfortable day :)

the heart of the matter

(a book LJ mentioned recently, also a song by Don Henley and covered by india arie)
i have always thought that disillusionment was just some fancy cliche, and was never truly empathetic when people claimed that they were 'disillusioned' about something or the other. in my mind, the word itself exacerbated and sometimes even created that tension between two modes of thinking/feeling/being (usually described as naivete and maturity).

we will all grow up some day, and most of the time that doesn't happen suddenly and discretely like flying bars on some graph. okay what i mean is that the process of growing up is fluid and less stable than people often make it out to be. just because we 'get' one thing doesn't mean we automatically understand all things related to that one fact of life: some people make for fantastic friends but are poor daughters or sons. some are great at being in a relationship, but can't extend the same warmth to friends.

what scares me most is the fragility of love, the strongest, most steadfast of emotions. i understand that passion is tamed over time - that i accept as being inevitable. but love? my lack of experience makes me unable to imagine no longer loving someone given that there is no betrayal or hatred. i don't understand how one just wakes up one morning and thinks, well, the past few years have been great but i think i've had enough of this love. sure, physiologically we are bound to get bored and not just feel much after years of habituation (to the other's touch, smell, etc) but i still don't get how we are able to just walk away from relationships. but i guess a life without passion is an incomplete life...

the only times i have stopped loving someone is when they betrayed me. i hope i am lucky enough to never have to fall out love.