write it out and let it go

i can deal with people insulting me, although i would still probably simmer and seethe for days, mulling over comebacks. what i can't deal with is people insulting loved ones. they say teochew chinese are fiercely loyal with big tempers... quite true :(. i thought i had gotten better with my temper with deep breathing and calm thinking whenever someone annoys me, but it's a whole different scenario when they are tossing around people i care about in conversation like they really know them.

anger is so self destructive, but i'm still in the emotion and i can't break out of it because i don't see why people are so superficial, so condescending and ill-minded. there are way too many sons and daughters of rich parents who think that just because they have won genetic lotteries, got good grades in good schools (as if it's that hard! pfft, intelligence and straight As are not virtues), have lots of friends and are generally well-liked, that they can put down other people whom they deem as being less competent and attractive. i can't stand this sense of superiority and entitlement.

university is supposed to be a leveling agent, but often the same old class lines and social spheres are reproduced, even highlighted there. what good is an 'enlightened' education when we still judge people not according to the stuff of their heart and mind, but to their material trappings?

i wish i could have been there to say something. but i guess idiots will be idiots; sooner or later in life they will realize that they have gotten it all wrong.

i am very happy otherwise; why let someone else undermine what i have just because they're.... crudely put, stupid? just that i can't get the image of my mind of people talking about me like i'm just a symbol for... whatever it is they esteem. i feel sick when i think of my friends as captive audiences, listening to that kind of crap and not knowing what to say. i hate to imagine what's going on in their minds; their watered down, ill-placed sense of pity for me. this whole rant is as much about wanting to defend someone as it is wanting to defend my values and pride. i am an individual. not the sum of "accomplishments"(whatever the heck that means...), where i come from, what i look like or whom i associate with. how dare people talk of me as if i am just some accessory to another person. i know what i deserve, and that is certainly not some rich fool like you.