can't seem to write today

friendships are like plants
study abroad applications stink
have a busy week of oral presentations ahead of me
happy that beets and eggs are now a staple at the ratty salad bar
like playing doubles in table tennis, but i'm better at singles
so many things i wish i could say
oh and i really like corinne bailey rae's 'trouble sleeping' after ling played it for me on her ipod
sorry i have nothing meaningful to say

four weeks left

bermuda was beautiful! my memory card is with lx, but i'm sure the photos are cropping up like mad on the facebook news feed anyway. well it was a different kind of Thanksgiving... last year's was a lot more traditional what with turkey dinner and staying with kd's wonderful aunt and uncle. this year's was fun-in-the-sun, sightseeing on a little subtropical island, a lot of tv movies hahaha - all which turned out to be my favourites!, and just absurd silliness haha. in a variety of ways. needless to say, no work was done over the holiday but i feel so refreshed after it that i don't mind the four weeks ahead.

our second english papers were handed back and contrary to expectation, i won't have to write a final paper! the more of english i do, the more i realize that it is one thing i can perfect and show off. ahhh it feels good knowing that i'm done with one course already :) yet having said that, time is rushing by so quickly...i'm scared everything will just keep ending and ending and before we know it, we will miss these days that are now.

whoa!

i was reading this month's issue of Vogue featuring jennifer connelly, and just found out that she's married to paul bettany!!

these things always make me happy...knowing that two people i admire albeit rather superficially love one another. i wonder if they met while filming A Beautiful Mind? oh i really feel like watching that now. but i have that blasted english paper to write sigh. and now i guess i should actually start writing it but i feel so bloated after dinner at tokyo and chocolate ice cream cake from coldstone (we were celebrating kara's birthday early). need to cut back on the sweets...

being a bad student

so many screw-ups in time management. poorly written essay. choosing to not pass up physics problem set due tomorrow. missed issues meeting. not preparing thoroughly for class. all these tell-tale signs of my increasing complacency and irresponsibility.

it really has to end!! what really did it for me was the english paper, which i turned in 5 minutes before the deadline. it's not even about the grade i think...just seems inherently wrong to choose to not do well when one can.

i feel ashamed for being so unlike myself. i would take nerdy, need-to-go-work-and-perfect-everything sheila over complacently-free sheila anyday. let this entry be a reminder to myself everytime i decide to waste time and come online...

sheafs

went to the rock this afternoon for the first time in what feels like forever to work on an english paper. along the way, i noticed the onset of autumn colours - plum reds and leafy yellows, reminiscent of my first semester here at brown. upper keeney quad was especially pretty, with its stone-cobbled walks cast aglow with leaf. why is it that these quiet scenes are always observed in tumultuous times of paper-writing -

i'm stuck on a paper. it's frustrating when you do comparative essays and the topic fits perfectly with one novel, but is a bit of a stretch for the other. i'm really pushing it with Jane Eyre and gossip/reputation/rumour...so i've decided to go with Persuasion and Bleak House. such different novels, but that's not the problem...the problem is they together make up more than 1,100 pages. but i should not be complaining; this class was my choice and the stuff we read is amazing so enough said.

being indecisive

stinks. trying to decide whether to study abroad for a year or just spring semester isn't something you can just sleep on, hoping your subconscious will somehow (ir)rationally make your decision for you.

i have just spent an hour going weighing pros and cons. it's coming to the point where i'm peeved with myself for being so nitpicky.

essentially, if i don't apply for full-year oxbridge, i will probably not get accepted by pembroke college in cambridge for spring semester (unless they happen to have a place AND i happen to be the best english candidate at brown which is unlikely). in that case i will go to university of york. york is nice, but i confess that even its quaint shops and friendly, well-structured visting student program can't compete with oxbridge. plus it's so far away from london and cambridge! knowing ritz she wouldn't tear herself away from economics essays for a 5 hour train ride up to visit me.

teeeeeth

got wisdom teeth on left side extracted. the drugs are starting to wear off; pain settling in :(. it's like braces, though the pain is a lot more acute and accompanied by bleeding icks.

typing with right hand cuz right needed to support ice pack. the nurse said i probably will want to take tomorrow off... ...i am starting to see why she would say that.

suite life

i finally got around to taking photos of my room! it's not fully decorated but i hope these still convey some of its understated charm...

left: my pink cushiony spot for doing those 12-2 am reading // right: my bed plus bday gift from lx and lj from march

oops bad pic. where i study/facebook/send those incredibly long emails...

left: tn, ax, st, and dv who collectively make the suite a warm fuzzy place to live in :). ax and st are unofficially my physics tutors now. seriously who needs professors or TAs when you have PLME suitemates (that means brown students who are already accepted into brown medical school). i was so grateful to them on tuesday night/wednesday morning for helping me get through those blasted questions.

oh and there's also Sir Duckly Ducklington of Duckshire the Third, Esquire in the photo. can you spot him?!

anyway crazy week finally over. :) it was good. i even enjoy working at the career development center cuz we get to meet so many amazing students. spent an hour today with a mature undergraduate student (she was forty...but looked 25, which was unbelievable!) critiquing her resume. it was just... well i guess i feel so humbled when i talk to these people and hear/read about their life experiences. she spent twenty years around the world, being self employed, and even did humanitarian work in Haiti in the 80s. it was silly trying to put all that on her resume (we didn't).

no piece of paper will ever be able to capture a person's true talents and courage.

i really like the word courage these days...

me and who

i really don't want to end up a scrawny old spinster with the cats and fumbly knitting. i don't even like cats.

maybe it's just me and my romantic illusions...but how is it that the protagonists in books always end up with someone, however plain or flawed they may be? 'it just happens', but how does it all really happen...that moment when you just click and something is stirring and you feel all floaty and champagne-bubbly like.

there are no real answers...just felt like wondering through writing.

sophomore!

couldn't have asked for a better first week back: minimal jetlag and homework, interesting classes (especially 'the victorian novel' - steeped in novel reading, including dickens' Bleak House), beautiful summery weather, fun suitemates, and all the wonderful brownies. when i first stepped into newark airport i confess to feeling a bit sickened by all the americanism that was at once familiar yet instictively foreign. but college campus life is so different...! it is nice knowing you belong.

courses i'm taking this fall semester
* Intermediate Japanese
* Basic Physics - yeah i know what you're going to say; my answer is i actually enjoy physics and chemistry more than biology (or at least i did, back in the GCSE years). i also shopped Intro to Calculus Part II but the professors were horrible at teaching. what is with the math department anyway? is it that hard to find qualified individuals who are enthusiastic about their subject, can smile, and know how to explain integration lucidly? sheeesh.
* The Victorian Novel
* Chinese - still wondering whether to take Academic or the lower level course, Advanced II. i shopped both and am confused. i feel as if the lower level one would be an easy A; the Academic would be one of those work- hard-or-fail courses (for my level anyway). and i don't do the failing thing.

so that's about it for classes...i'm a little apprehensive about taking three languages, but a lot of people do that, so it can't be that hard. will post photos of my room some other time! i haven't finished decorating though the turquoise/blue rug lx recommended does wonders to the colour scheme, or as dv said, ties the whole room together :D.

blah

what i hate about life is that no matter how much you hold onto a certain world, it will inevitably shift due to some thing and thereafter take on different shades of meaning and feeling. maybe that's supposed to render us more resourceful, strong beings. events are viewed through their effects..the lessons and realisations. but all this only comes after slugging your way through that in between period when what was before and what is now is so different - and i still don't know what i really think. nor does anyone it seems. it's just a whole bunch of awful silence and attempts to string together thoughts that are only half forming.

down with sheila-like sensibility

it's strange finding myself with this blog, wondering what i should write. conversations with ritz about public blogs crop up perennially - this time i decided to just do it, even though we've always agreed that blogs are complex things. for one, i hate the idea of being judged by what or how i write (might as well 'fess up now: i'm a crappy writer when it comes to anything other than english essays, lacking the eloquence of my counterparts). and the idea of conveying private thoughts in an incredibly public medium freaks me out a little. but if i don't have the guts to post entries read only by friends and acquaintances, then i might as well forget about pursuing a career in publishing or teaching.

i say this as disclaimer to what i'm about to do now, and that is, talk about something i've wanted to discuss with others but was unable to for fear of boring them. it concerns an obsession with mine which most people don't understand. not the obesssion part; the sheila-actually-obsesses-over-things? part.

...Christian Bale! recently rewatched Little Women for the nth time, and all the wonderful scenes have just been replaying in my mind these past few days. truth...Little Women was one of my favourite books as a 10-year old; i used to address all my diary entries with 'Dear Beth' because Beth is the sweetest and gentlest of the March sisters. :)

so for the fun of it, here's a list of Bale movies i've seen and want to see. you will be surprised at some of the titles...and have probably watched him in quite a few without realizing it!

checked off
- 'Empire of the Sun': he was only 13 when he took on the starring role as an English boy separated from his parents in Shanghai, the day the Japanese invaded (1937? ahh my chinese history is rusty.) bale's performance was so amazing a movie academy created a whole new award for him - best juvenile performance.

- 'Pocahontas': yes the disney movie! ahh bet you didn't know that he voiced Thomas' character (the guy who gets arrowed by the native americans by the river)

- 'The New World': those who can appreciate or at least tolerate slow, achingly beautiful scenes with zero dialogue should watch this...it's a modern re-enactment of the Pocahontas story. coincidentally, it also stars Colin Farrell who i used to obsess over 4 years ago hahaha

- 'Little Women': :)

- 'Equilibrium': a cult video classic amongst some guys, it is apparently often shoplifted from video rental places cuz there were limited copies produced! having said that, i hated this movie. it was like a really bad version of the Matrix with a lot of guns, solemn guys in black suits and pseudo religion/science vs morality stuff.

- 'The Prestige': Bale was good, but i liked the other magician-flick 'The Illusionist' with Edward Norton more

- 'Howl's Moving Castle': you HAVE to see this animation movie by Ghibli Studio if you haven't already! same director as Totoro, Spirited Away, etc.

- 'Batman Begins': one of my favourites :) but i still like the older Michael Keaton batman movies

to-be-checked-off
- 'The Portrait of A Lady': couldn't believe he was in this movie!! those who knew me well during the IB years probably remember me carrying around this book by Henry James (THE master of novel-writing...you must read 'The Turn of the Screw' or 'Washington Square'). it was cuz i wrote my extended essay on this book! it's just too bad there isn't a rental copy in Singapore :(

- 'Harsh Times': Bale plays some deranged American soldier who returns from the Gulf War. the trailer was... .... intense stuff.

- 'The Dark Knight': batman sequel! summer 2008

- '3:10 to Yuma': the title refers to a train bound for Yuma. Christian Bale is a ranch owner who volunteers to hold, then escort an outlaw (Russel Crowe) to his hearing in Yuma. okay so i've never even seen a Western, but the whole Bale/Crowe conflict in the story seems pretty intriguing. see the trailer at: http://www.310toyumathefilm.com/ it releases on sep 7th - so soon!!

sorry...i've bombarded you all long enough :D. i'll try posting something less self indulged next time. if this has piqued your interest in the actor, then yay i'm glad :)

summer 2007: hong kong and japan segments!

interning at DBS
a humbling experience :). having to go in there knowing nothing about finance...do a crappy chinese translation of my powerpoint presentation...mess up pitchbook binding (the pages fell out half an hour before a big meeting between our corporate banking team and the client)...oh and one moment i'll never forget - accidentally disconnecting THE boss who was on long-distance call from the singapore hq. muakaka! (in hindsight the stitchy side of me can appreciate this, but at the time it was a tad bit humiliating.) these things really made realize how getting As in school kinda means nothing in the corporate arena.

then there was the research+ powerpoints + elf-ish duties of rushing stuff for my co-workers who, poor things, had tens of conference calls daily and many pending presentations all at once.

but i can't stray too far from the typical internship story and say it wasn't worth it. the team was genuinely nice (and so smart in a down-to-earth way) and i made some friends :D. and even a pathetic number-cruncher like me finally figured out how to handle corporate financials. although i admit that many mornings i was glum about work, it's just something i had to try out. if anything, it's kinda like an immunity card for times when my dad plays the whole you-should-consider-a-respectable-career-like-banking hint.


hello hokkaido!
onto happier memories! so after 6 weeks of work (made bearable mostly by getting to see a bunch of hk visitors: risa, cinnie, lanxiu and childhood japan friends larry and fred) i was rewarded with a lovely time in japan. some snapshots of our little adventures on the southern coast of hokkaido...

day 1: driving from the airpot in Chitose to our ryokan (traditional inn with tatami rooms and onsen - hot public baths) for the night. as you can see, stitch earnestly served as our navigation assistant while my brother and i just took photos.












left: mom happy about dinner
right: and with good reason - here was our menu (we were served everything on it! though many were tiny sculptures of pickled vegetables and seafood)

day 2: Muroran
breakfast! and then more driving along the scenic coast. i like the lighthouse picture with the sea of japan.











the rest of the day was spent driving southwards along Hokkaido's coast down to Hakodate. along the way, we raided some supermarkets for japanese snacks, which proved immensely popular for the car rides :D

day 3 and 4: Hakodate
Hakodate was one of those treaty ports opened by the americans in 1854. port implies sea which implies....seafood!

early morning excursion to the seafood market - lots of kani (crab) and ika (squid).











eating grilled crab at a market vendor // michael and me at the pier












the star-shaped park in Hakodate, complete with a quaint moat and viewing tower! and us up on the tower











Afternoon, Dusk and Evening Views from Mt. Hakodate
going up the cable car ropeway at 5:30. then the afternoon view at 5:45ish? not that many people there yet...6:15 the lights slowly flicker on! and night view at 7:15

left: the open sea during sunset

our Hakodate visit coincided with their annual street dance festival, which was fun to witness. i regret not taking pictures of the hordes of people dancing behind the parade trucks and buses (though i do have a video of a flock of people jumping up and down and dancing to the organisers "IKKA, IKKA, IKKA, IKKA!!!" i think it means dance...not quite sure but i should really know this huh. help, risa?

days 5, 6, 7: Sapporo and Otaru

so the rest of the trip was spent in Sapporo. we did a little sightseeing at the old government building, Sapporo TV tower, some parks but generally our stay consisted of a lot of eating (tonkatsu - fried pork cutlets served with rice, soup and shredded cabbage, japanese hamburger steaks, udon, ramen, sashimi, more crab, yakitori YUMM) and shopping.

me and my wonderful parents and brother...:) a lot of our late evenings in the hotel were spent doing Sudoku challenges, puzzle challenges and card games hahaha. we're a very competitive lot. (or at least within the family setting)

left: parents and the sapporo tv tower (nothing special i think, but it's a nice pic)

below: another dinner revolving around crab...hairy crab, long-legged crab, err plain crab. and me standing in front of a hot foot-bath site where people get to soak their weary feet

Otaru - another coastal town famous for glass warehouses and the small canel you see in the below pic. a very touristy place though. the vanilla yoghurt ice-cream there was amazing though.

naturally i have to leave you with a glimpse of stitch! okay prior to this japan trip, i considered myself to be a pretty hard-core stitch lover. but the Japanese seem even more smitten with stitch - he is everywhere! in every marketable form too! i went to small town supermarkets and he was there grinning like the hawaiian imp that he is, on 100 yen cups, chopsticks, fans, cushions, hair accessories (little stitch heads clasped to hair bands), towels, bags, stationery and this was just in the suburban areas of southern hokkaido. in the city, stitch is visibly popular than mickey mouse or any other disney character. so i'm not crazy after all teehee.

and now home in singapore again. technically i wasn't away for that long, but it felt like it. (can't imagine having to stay at Brown for most of the summer...!) it's strange cuz even in hk i sometimes feel very out of place despite having lived there for 8 years. can't quite pinpoint the reasons for this; perhaps it's just the constant rush of city and working life and all the fuss on appearances which gets to me sometimes. singapore really is, as one of my coworkers and friends commented, more casual. this isn't a moral statement; singapore is just a little more laid back and i guess this is good for comfyness-loving people like me.